Life Coach Los Angeles CA
Codependency has become something of a dirty word today, in part because being independent is a highly valued character trait in our culture. Independence can be as much of a dirty word as codependency – interdependence(healthy dependence) is a word that as a culture we should familiarize ourselves with. Ironically all this focus on independence creates, facilitates and cultivates codependency – which is not an ideal way of living.
Codependency is defined in various ways — in short, it’s a behavioral condition when one person is highly dependent on another person and is often controlled and manipulated by that person as well. Again, the extent of control and manipulation varies in each relationship, but one very common indicator for codependency is enmeshment.
Enmeshment is a psychological term for a relationship between two or more people where the boundaries are not clear. Imagine a room with holes in the walls, things flowing in and out of the room, that is what happens when clear boundaries are established, but what happens here is that emotions and projections are of the person inside the room and the person outside the room flows back and forth in an unhealthy way. So after a while there is no separate and individual identity for either person. Then what you have is codependency because there is no clear place for when one person begins and ends. People in a codependent relationship aren’t able to have a clear understanding of themselves as separate from the other.
Working with a therapist or coach can be very helpful in identifying your patterns. According to out Life Coach Los Angeles CA, it’s hard to see these patterns on our own, and behavior patterns are very hard to break. Accountability is a critical component of recovering. Being a codependent there are so many conflicting feelings of shame, resentment, abandonment, martyrdom and victimhood. When untageling a marriage, these feelings can become highlighted.
There is help, the hard work is understanding yourself and the feelings you carry, the admission that helping others can make you feel used, tired, resentful and alone. Recognizing these feelings may be a good indication that there is something deeper to explore. A life change such as divorce can really highlight these dynamics because you may no longer have the person to depend on or blame for maladaptive behavior.
When facing codependency in adulthood, there are some characteristics to look for:
- You may be extremely loyal, causing you to stay in harmful situations for too long
- Compromising your integrity and values to avoid rejection or anger
- You put personal interests aside for what others want from you
- Are vigilant about the feelings of others, taking them on as your own.
Whether you are independent, reject dependency, or you need free and want free – adult codependents experience the characteristics and symptoms of having difficulty acknowledging and taking care of their adult needs and wants.
Facing codependency is difficult, but healing and becoming an adult free of unhealthy behavioral patterns opens you up to a healthy and more fulfilled life.
The Sukha Wellness Team
There is no simple way to find happiness. The Sukha Wellness Institute incorporates a multidimensional approach to happiness! Our accountability system and mantra, You Must Do the Work!, will lead you to a purposeful life starting right now. Isn’t it time you find your Sukha?